and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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