I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
