genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Terrible idea I love it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
