She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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