Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
