She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
