Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
