there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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