My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
