I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
