dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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