ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
