at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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