Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
