This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
