Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
