i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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