is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
