Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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