4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
