is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
