I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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