I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
