three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
