explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
