Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
