maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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