when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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