I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
