Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just cropdusted the office
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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