OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
