Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
