booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
