Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
