how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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