Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
