I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
