i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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