Where did you get a picture of my penis
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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