I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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