dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
