Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
