So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
