i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
