very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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