it was like his penis was on wheels.
he thought i was a dude.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
