well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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