I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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