every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
