You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
