Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
