found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
