"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
