She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
